Subscribe Feed (RSS)I’d Rather Be Waterboarding
April 26th, 2009 by Fierce Bob | No Comments | Filed in Don't Start With MeAmazingly, the controversy continues to rage over whether the Obama administration is manly enough to deal with terrorists, given the President’s decision to abide by multiple international agreements our nation signed onto decades ago, and the bounds of common humanity. Evidently, people who are willing to order other people to torture bad guys are much more macho than people who aren’t. At least in some people’s minds.
For the record, we here at FierceBob.com have a strict no-torture policy. Basically, that just means that nobody is forced to read anything here.
But I continue to hear a lot about how waterboarding isn’t really torture, as it leaves no lasting scars or other physical damage. Astute readers will be able to spot the flaw in that argument right away, but it keeps cropping up nonetheless.
I have a suggestion for the proponents of waterboarding. Instead of hanging around at Tea Parties, which you must admit is a weird thing to do if you’re claiming to be tougher than somebody else, I suggest having Waterboarding Parties.
These can be held in backyards, or anywhere there’s a ready supply of water. Attendees can take turns being waterboarded, to prove that it isn’t torture.
I’d suggest having a doctor on hand, because it’s well known that getting too much water into your lungs can have lasting health effects. Like death, for example, which is right up there on the scale of things that are lasting. So the amount of water inhaled by the partiers should be monitored closely.
I’d also recommend not mixing alcohol consumption with the application of this technique, again because of the possibility of those longer-term effects.
Once thousands of Real Americans have voluntarily subjected themselves to waterboarding, Liberal Pantywaists who refuse to order other people to undergo it won’t be able to claim it’s really torture anymore.
And if it turns out that you decide it is torture, after all, well, at least you won’t have learned that from the Liberal Media.
I hope people will understand that in making this suggestion, I’m just trying to be helpful. By the way, when you get one of these Waterboarding Parties organized, be sure to drop me a line. I’d love to attend one as an observer.
Tags: torture, waterboarding
