I probably shouldn’t tell you this, since by announcing the news here I will be preempting President Obama. But I’m too excited to keep it to myself.
I, Fierce Bob, am going to be appointed Treasury Secretary later today. The official announcement will be made by the President at the same time as he announces that he has asked for Timothy Geithner’s resignation. Geithner is just too drab for such an exciting post. Fierce Bob, of course, is a spellbinding public speaker, and as such will do a far better job of calming the financial markets than that tired old bureaucrat.
Barack and I go way back, of course, and when he called me with the news, he said, “I don’t know what I was thinking, appointing a stiff from the New York financial establishment for this position. Obviously, we need a rock star. And you’re the man.”
Obama, you will note, never says, “You de man.”
He went on to say, “Of course you understand that we really have no idea what to do with the economy. So your job will be to distract everybody while we pack up and skip town with the rest of the TARP money. We can meet up in the Seychelles later. I’ll save you a few billion for your trouble. As a bonus, you can arrest Paul Krugman for being a depressing douchebag before you leave Washington.”
Happy April 1st, everyone. I know I didn’t fool you, but it was fun for me.
